About Me

A piece of me—not the whole, but enough

My name is 王曦若Wang Xiruo. “王Wang” is my family name — it means “king.” “曦Xi” means the sunlight at dawn, and “若Ruo” means “as if.” My parents named me Xiruo because they hoped I would be as vibrant and full of life as the morning sun.

I come from Daqing, a city in northeast China that was once the oil capital of the country. After the founding of New China, Daqing quickly became a symbol of prosperity, one of the earliest cities to enter an era of wealth and modern living. But starting in the 21st century, the oil wells began to dry up. There’s still oil, just far less than before — enough to feed the city, but not enough to sustain the future. So the young people left. I left, too.

Daqing

I came to the U.S. in high school. Every break, I flew home to be with friends. We’d laugh and wander around familiar streets. But then came college. My friends scattered to different cities. Some didn’t even return during the holidays. I took a two-year gap during the pandemic, so I’m graduating years after them. Eventually, I went home for a summer and realized I had no one to hang out with. The same neighbors, same streets, same schools — but not the same people.

Later, my family moved away too, to a new city. Now when I return in the summer, I stay with my parents in a place where I know no one. We have a saying in the northeast: “Kids from Dongbei spend their lives trying to escape it, but spend the rest of their lives missing it.” I know what that means now.

My dream life? Save up enough money to buy an old, broken-down cabin in the mountains. Fix it up myself until it becomes my home. Raise chickens, ducks, and two small goats — just for fun. The chickens and ducks would provide eggs, and I’d grow just enough vegetables for myself. Nothing fancy. Just enough. I’d turn the spare rooms into a guesthouse. Not to make money. Just to welcome people who want to experience this kind of life, maybe talk with me over tea. Or maybe not talk at all. That would be okay, too.

I hate salad and sandwiches. I need real food. I need meat.

My favorite region is southern Europe — especially Spain. Life there feels slow, light, and human. The food is delicious (much better than northern Europe), the scenery is beautiful, and living in the EU would make travel across countries easy and seamless.

In Spain

I’ve traveled through Europe, Japan, and most of China. But my favorite places are in the American West. Last year, I visited 15 U.S. national parks. I loved Yellowstone’s geysers, Grand Teton’s snowy peaks, the sea life at Channel Islands, the towering redwoods in Sequoia, the dramatic beauty of Canyonlands — and most of all, the thrilling ascent to Angels Landing in Zion. Climbing it felt like a moment of pure achievement.

May 2024

Dec. 2024

Of all world civilizations, Chinese civilization is the one I love most. I’ve studied Sumerian, Egyptian, Roman, and Mayan civilizations too, but none have the depth, scale, and continuity of Chinese culture — 5,000 years of richness and diversity.

My favorite historical figure is Qin Shi Huang. He ruled 2,300 years ago but built a system astonishingly modern. He abolished feudalism and implemented the “commandery-county” system — what we might call today centralized governance and official appointment. He unified six kingdoms where everyone spoke Chinese but wrote vastly different characters. He standardized the script, currency, law, weights, and measures. Even today, many countries still learn from these practices.

Qin Shi Huang also pursued gender equality — if a husband cheated and his wife killed him, she wasn’t considered guilty. He built a national road system called the “chidao,” with standard-width highways and relay stations, like modern expressways. The Great Wall was built to fend off the Xiongnu, and the Lingqu Canal connected the Yangtze and Pearl River systems — an incredible piece of engineering. He introduced household registration and early population control, managing citizens’ identities, migration, and labor. I genuinely admire him. (And as a side note, I still don’t get why the U.S. insists on using miles and Fahrenheit. It’s been nine years — I still can’t get used to them.)

The living person I “admire” most is Donald Trump — not because I like him, but because it takes real talent to nearly ruin the world’s most powerful capitalist country all by yourself. That’s a talent. (Sarcasm.)

In 2021, I started a digital ad company focused on algorithmic feed ads, but it was shut down due to the Shanghai lockdown. In 2022, I pivoted to cross-border e-commerce. In 2023, after my freshman year, I interned at a game company doing 3D modeling and full-process production of AI digital humans. In 2024, I interned at an animation studio as a modeling artist.

I love creating AI digital humans. It gives me a sense of creative power and completion. And most importantly: it doesn’t require overtime. I also love working as a modeler in animation and gaming companies, but the overtime in those industries is intense and exhausting. The work culture wears me out.

My favorite job in the world? Travel tester. There are companies that plan high-end luxury vacations for rich people. Before launching the trip, they hire someone to experience it and report back. It pays. It’s all-expenses-covered. It’s travel, for free, as a job. That’s the dream.

If I could have one superpower, I’d want to always win, no matter what I do, it turns out to be a guaranteed success. I would use this ability to make money, steadily and smartly. Because money isn’t everything, but without it, everything gets harder.

I hate my ADHD and my procrastination. My thoughts bounce around like fireworks. That’s great when I’m being creative. But when it’s time to focus, I fall apart. I can’t concentrate. I delay. And I hate myself for it.

The trait I can’t tolerate in others is disloyalty. Whether it’s a friend or a lover, if there’s a problem, talk to me directly. Don’t go around telling other people what you can’t say to me. Relationships are between two people. If something is wrong, we work through it together, or we walk away. And if we walk away, I don’t care what you say anymore because we are done.

The person I love most in this world is my grandma. My biggest fear is losing my grandmother. She raised me. Leaving her to study abroad is the one thing I still feel guilty about. If something happens, it would take me at least 20 hours to get home, including layovers and airport commutes. What if she couldn’t wait for me?

My Grandma

My biggest regret? Not putting my abusive ex in jail. He physically assaulted me and used gaslighting to make me question my own reality. I actually reported him to the police, but he told me that if he had a criminal record, he wouldn’t be able to take the graduate school entrance exam — that I would be ruining his future. I believed him and withdrew the report. The police also never came.

When I die, I want it to be painless. No disease. No regrets. I want to be cremated. Then have my ashes sealed in a bottle and sent into the ocean — so I can keep traveling.

My motto? 得之我幸，失之我命。If I gain something, I’m lucky. If I lose it, it was never mine to keep.