What to do when you’re bored

Instructions for surviving the void (and mildly unhinging yourself in the process)

Boredom is a cruel, relentless beast — gnawing at the edges of your mind, whispering, “You have nothing to do. Nothing to live for.”

But no. You’re not going down like that. Not today.

You fight back.

Light a candle. Declare your intentions to the universe like a priestess in exile. Pour yourself a drink — water, whiskey, gasoline, whatever your soul requires — and proclaim: “I shall not perish in the void of boredom!”

Then slam the glass down. You are a warrior now.

Create something pointless and beautiful:

– Count how many objects in your room could serve as weapons in the apocalypse.

– Rank your friends by how likely they are to betray you in a zombie uprising.

– Argue with yourself over which kitchen utensil has the best personality.

Or vanish entirely.

Pack a bag with chaotic essentials — a book, a Popmart character, a pocketknife, some grapes.

Leave your house. Walk in a direction. Any direction.

Get on a random bus. Don’t check the destination.

Become a mystery in someone else’s story.

Too intense? No problem. Write nonsense:

– A love letter to a lamp.

– A resignation note addressed to life.

– A manifesto arguing why rice is, objectively, superior to noodles.

Send it to yourself. Print it. Frame it. Publish it under a fake name. Immortalize your madness.

If chaos calls louder, answer. Rearrange everything in your house just slightly — enough to confuse but not alarm.

Hide your own belongings. Lose your socks on purpose.

Turn your phone upside down and pretend nothing is wrong.

Try dramatic staring.

Stare out the window like you’re in a music video.

Stare into a mirror until your reflection flinches.

Stare at your pet, who is definitely judging you.

Maintain eye contact with a chair until it confesses.

Still not satisfied? Flip a coin.

Heads: you learn a completely useless skill — Morse code, lock-picking, balloon animal-making.

Tails: you create a new identity and introduce yourself as a time traveler to at least three people today.

And just like that — boredom is defeated.

You win.

Now go forth and cause some chaos.

Or at least, confuse yourself into entertainment.